Gaming by GlossGreen

Yes, it's that time of year again. E3 may not be the blockbuster gaming event that it was just a few years back, but it still holds a lot of sway with game developers and publishers. How do we know this? All these damn stories about how a "secret" will be revealed at E3 statements that are being released by everyone, their mother, and the kid down the street. I don't know about you, but I'm sick of seeing them.

I'm of the mindset that if you want gamers to get excited about your product, tell them about it, don't tease them. I know, sounds like a hard concept to grasp right? Well, I hate to break it to the game makers and the gaming press, but if they can't figure that out they are stupid. Take this event from Blizzard that's been getting a ton of press lately. I don't know what your take on this might be, so I'll just give you mine. It's ice. From a company named Blizzard. No challenge there to figure out. If it is about a game then they need to spit it out instead of dragging it out. This what-ever-it-is image seems to be advancing day by day. To what? Honestly, at this point I really don't care.

Here's a good one from the fantastic folks at Microsoft courtesy of MCVUK.com:

European VP of strategic marketing for interactive entertainment at Microsoft EMEA David Gosen has told MCV that the platform holder will unveil some ‘fantastic surprises’ at E3 this year as it steps up its efforts in the mass market space.

"We’re always working on new things, and you'll continue to hear lots from us that we believe will be game-changing," he told MCV.

That's a pretty bold statement...About absolutely nothing. What is going to be "game-changing"? How about those "fantastic surprises" and "new things". Could it be an announcement featuring Halo Chronicles? I know, how about the theorized code-named Newton controller we've all heard about? My bet is on an announcement about a new hardware SKU or possibly a price cut. Then again it could be none of those things, and probably, nothing that any of us would give a damn about.

Sony most definitely is not immune to hyping themselves up either. The big talk with the Big S is all about Home and firmware update 2.40. As Sony's answer to Live and Achievements the question has to be asked: Will they be worth the wait, and the hype. The problem is that hype can (and frequently does) backfire, just reference the PS3's launch and first year. And there is always the risk that the next big thing that is getting plugged could actually end up being the next Ninjabread Man or some other load of crap.

This time of year has always been full of marketing garbage and shit talking, and I don't see it changing anytime in the near (or far) future. Game makers will always try to peddle their wares, but without telling us the details, how do they expect to sell it to us? I know everyone wants to make a big deal out of their hard work by manufacturing their announcement into a media event. My opinion: Give us the damn info and let us make up our own mind without the force feeding of crap to go with it.

April 1st. As a gamer, this is the only day I dread all year long, well, other than my anniversary (I tend to lose track of the days and miss it, rush to buy a crappy gift, and have to put up with the results of my forgetting for months, but that's another story). It is this one day that all my fanboy hopes get raised, then hopelessly crushed as I learn the truth. I'm not really gullible, I'm just a gaming fan, like you.

See, April first is the day that all the game companies and media decide to taunt us gamers. These "jokes" tend to take the shape of your favorite childhood memory re-imagined for today just so you can get your hopes up. Of course, it's all fake, so on the first day of April expect to disbelieve all you read or see. Take this trailer from IGN, you know the one I'm talking about. Yes, I'm referring to the Legend of Zelda movie trailer. The thing about that damn trailer was that it looked pretty decent. Sure, it was obviously fake and had poor quality graphics, but it still sounds more interesting than a Halo movie. That one was just evil. Pure evil.

While a lot of sites had similar gut wrenching articles and videos similar to the Zelda movie trailer, I found some others that really got into the spirit of the day (and not in an evil, heart breaking way like IGN). Most sites did have a fake story or two like the unmentionable one above, but a couple of others went all out. Both Gamespot and Destructoid got a little more involved in honor of the day.

Gamespot's site remained identical to its regular format, but every story on the page was a fake. From the Rock Band PSP story to the Q & A with David Jaffe and even one about a preview of Half Life: Episode 3 with major spoilers. My favorite thing on the site though has to be the very civilized User Soapbox section. That was obviously a fraud. Since when are Sony, Microsoft, and Nintendo fans that cordial to each other? I did happen to like the top 10 list at the bottom and the poll that gave away the joke. I wonder what the results were.

Now Destructoid went through some major revisions for the day. On April 1st, 2008 Foxtoid.com was born, and lasted for exactly one day. I thought overall that their effort was really well done and pretty funny to boot. I loved the videogame terrorists on the loose video. I'll never look at a certain iconic character the same way again. The Foxtoid site is history, but the stories are still there. Here's the first story that was posted for the day. I'd describe it, but I don't want to spoil the satire.

Those sites are all well and good, but my absolute favorite gag of the day has to be from Blizzard. Yes, even those respectable people at Blizzard decided to get into the fun. First up was an announcement and trailer for an upcoming game...for the Atari 2600, and that's all I'll say about that. They also had an addition to their latest expansion, Wrath of the Lich King. This new feature is the inclusion of a new class. A bard class to be exact. Now what makes this bard different from all others is the ability to play an axe (axe as in guitar not forestry equipment) to defeat your enemies. I could actually see this type of thing being possible and a really successful addition to WoW, but it'll never happen. Just keep dreaming people, and get some sun.

With the exception of a couple of articles that were just plain mean to my fanboy tendencies, the day was a pretty good success. I think next year (if I'm still writing this darn thing) maybe I'll join in the fun. I can take a joke, really. Wait, I do have a late joke for this year though, and here it is...